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This has been the quickest summer break I've ever had. I actually found a blog post from 2018 (the year I took over my current position at school), that I titled "The Shortest Summer Ever", but I am here now to concede that that statement was inaccurate. The summer of 2018 was NOT, in fact, the shortest summer ever. It was most definitely the summer of 2023. I had my last day of work on July 3rd and spent the rest of that week celebrating Independence Day, getting the girls in for orthodontist appointments, and attending an all-day softball tournament that weekend. The following week, I chaperoned our older two girls in Lincoln, Nebrasks at CIY Move, an amazing conference for teenagers, where they grew in their faith, grew closer to each other, and enjoyed week of dynamic speakers, worship, and relationship-building. This past week was our church's Vacation Bible School. It was a great week, where we focused on doing what Jesus says, believing who Jesus is, sharing what Jesus did, and going where Jesus leads. It was exhausting and wonderful and so very meaningful to lots of kids and adults. And now...I have one week left. I go back to school on August 1st...in eight short days. And surprisingly...I'm okay with that. Over my career in public education, I have spent many "final weeks at home" dreading the school year, working to finish all the tasks on my to-do in a frenzy as the summer came to a close, and just not really enjoying very much of it. However, I have learned a thing or two over the past few years and I want to share some of these things as we close the chapter of summer and move into fall. 1. Self-reflection is key. We MUST be willing and able to look inside ourselves to reflect on all of the things. What is driving my internal need to accomplish more and more each day? Why do I behave the way I do? Why do I feel that way inside when I think about or see a specific person? Why does my mind fill with concerns regarding specific parts of my life that I cannot control? I could continue typing on this list of reflective questions for the next several weeks. The list could go on and on and on. Here is the kicker though: When we ask these questions, we have to REALLY take time to listen to our answers to make CHANGES based on those answers. This is not natural. This is a SKILL that must be practiced. Here is an example of how I have been working on this skill. (Fair warning: this is kind of vulnerable for me...I'm just going to lay it all out there!) I ask myself this question: What is driving my internal need to accomplish more and more each day? And then I mull over the question in my head. I even might write something down in response to this. I finally end up with the answer that I feel is the most closely aligned with my truth. I feel the need to accomplish more and more each day because at some point in my life, I have bought into the idea that my own productivity is tied directly to the happiness of my family. I have thought to myself on many occasions, "Once I accomplish ___, we will be able to live peacefully in our home." Once the house is completely decluttered and organized...once all of the home projects we have on our list are completed...once we have a small business that has a sustainable income to allow us more time at home...once we can afford to retire...THE LIST GOES ON AND ON. But God has been changing my heart over the last three years. I could continue to live in this place of wanting things to be perfect before I allow myself to enjoy them completely, or I can be content where He has placed me. I have had to reflect deep within myself and I have had to make the conscious decision to choose contentment. We will do what we can with the time we have available, and we will build in intentional time of rest and relaxation. We will do big projects on certain days and we will end those work days with a bonfire or a game of softball in the yard or a night at the drive-in movie. My self-reflection has led me to focus heavily on balancing the "to do" list and the "to connect" list. I've also been working on how I interact with others. Sometimes, there are things that I feel the urge to say that do not need to be said. I listen for the still, small voice of God when these things come into my mind and I use self-control to not say them. And sometimes, there are hard things that NEED to be spoken, in love. I pray for discernment in these situations -- God, is this something you would like me to engage in or are we not ready to have this conversation? Am I in a good place to be able to deliver this message with grace and empathy? Am I in a place to be able to listen with humility? It is prideful for me to believe that I have all the answers in every situation, so I am working hard to remember that I can listen & learn from others. I don't have to have all the answers. I can gain new information, chew on it for a while, and ask God to help me see where that new information fits into His plan for me. After studying habits for the last few years, I have finally found a really healthy morning routine that is working well for me. Self-reflection has allowed me to adjust and revise this routine until it clicked into place.
After reading several books by Gretchen Rubin, I've learned that we need to pay attention to the natural rhythms of our bodies when we are planning our activities for the day.
I am a morning person, or a lark, as Rubin calls it. I do my best work in the morning. So after I shower and get ready for the day, if I'm home for the day, I almost always launch straight into my to do list. I try to accomplish a lot before lunch time, so my afternoons can be spent writing, relaxing with the kids, or napping. If it's a school day, I structure my work day similarly. I try to knock out my biggest tasks early in the work day. I build in a few short breaks for myself throughout the morning, but I try to push through and get a lot accomplished before 1:00. Around 1:00, I try to take time for people. I visit classrooms, make phone calls, and attend meetings. Before I leave for the school day, I prioritize my task list for the following day and clean my office up so I'm ready to start strong the next morning. So what does all of this mean? We all have areas in our lives that God is calling us to make some changes. We are too busy or not busy enough. We are prioritizing the wrong activities. We are so staunchly set in certain beliefs about how the world should be that we are unable to connect with people. We are neglecting our Bible study because of other meaningless tasks and when we do study the Bible, we're not applying it to allow God to transform our lives. We MUST self-reflect. And in that self-reflection, when we feel that nudge from God to make changes, we have to MOVE. Soaking up this last week of summer break and reflecting on who I am in Jesus here at the farmhouse, Hannah ❤️🏡❤️
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In some ways, it's hard to believe that I haven't written a blog post since October of 2021. In other ways, it just makes sense. Last October, when I wrote that blog post, we were just finishing up the first quarter of this last school year. From that point on, it felt like we were meeting ourselves coming and going. This school year, we had a child in high school, one in junior high, and one in elementary. This made for some interesting schedules and lots of nights where Mr. Farmhouse and I split up to attend the girls' activities, often accepting help from the grandparents and aunts & uncles to get the third daughter where she needed to go. I know this is something that parents have accomplished for many, many years...but for us, it was the first time that we were really pulled in three different directions, on top of career and farming duties. If we're being honest -- our home suffered because of this. I don't think we were ever caught up on laundry or dishes and our mud room became a dumping ground for our belongings as we ran in to change clothes quickly and head out to the next event. As Gretchen Rubin states in her book, Outer Order, Inner Calm, "it's easier to keep up than to catch up..." And we are to the point where we desperately need to catch up. However, we WILL NOT spend the whole summer "catching up". We have three more summers left with our oldest daughter Harlee here at home, so we are going to work hard to create beautiful family memories in the midst of taking back our house. Already this summer, we've visited the Kansas City Zoo, toured the Hallmark Visitors' Center & Kaleidoscope, attended a Royals game, and we've taken a mini-vacation to Phillipsburg, Missouri (more on THAT trip later...). We've also already filled a 6-yard dumpster and gathered up over 20 tubs of belongings to sell or donate. We have gotten almost caught up on laundry and have marked off a few tasks off of our "list of things we have procrastinated on throughout the school year".
And just like that...the last school year of my teaching career is over.
You might remember a few months ago when I announced my new position as the director of special services in my current district. At the time that I agreed to this position, back in late August of last year, it seemed like a lifetime away. It seemed like there was so much more time left in my classroom. I mean, nine months is a LONG time, right? And yet, here we are...the last day of school. I'd be lying if I said I was over-joyed as I left the school parking lot today. Yes, I'm excited for my new journey, but I feel like every time a season in our lives comes to an end, there is some grieving that must take place. I have known that public education was the career choice for me ever since I can remember. There was never a time in my life that I thought of any other career choice. I can remember being preschool age and "playing school" with my dolls and stuffed animals in my bedroom. (I always tried to recruit my little brother, but it wasn't quite as enjoyable for him.) My new role is exciting and refreshing and something I am looking forward to. But in reality, there are things I am losing. Things I'm giving up. Things I am having to let go of. Building relationships with the same 20-30 kids day-in and day-out. Being able to make an impact in the daily lives of the students in my classroom. Creating lessons that are engaging and interesting for my kiddos. Spending time with some of my dearest friends all day, every day...my hallway colleagues. Yes, I know I'll still be making a difference. I know I'll still be able to connect with children. I know I'll still have an impact. I know I'll be in the same building I've been in for the last eleven years. But this afternoon, my students of nine months walked out of my room. I waved goodbye to my students and headed straight to the cafeteria to set up for the celebration we have at the end of every year. When the staff get-together was finished, I headed back to my room. I walked down a mostly empty hallway to my mostly empty classroom. And it was then that I had a few tears. Okay, I had a lot of tears. Even tonight, as I sit here typing this, I have a tear rolling down my cheek. There are a lot of things to look forward to.. There's a lot to be excited about. But there are also a lot of things to be sad about...and that's okay. I think that sometimes we feel like there's something wrong with grief. Like we shouldn't feel sad when we are moving into something that seems bigger and better. Why would I be sad about this opportunity? Why would I have a hard time moving into a position that seems so perfect for me? Well...because it's normal. It's completely natural to grieve the seasons of our lives. Change is necessary and important...but change can also be difficult and painful. So as I sit here tonight on the farmhouse front porch, watching the fireflies blinking away in the field across the road...I will just have a good cry. You might remember that I believe ugly-crying is a vitally important part of life. I will cry for the thirteen years I spent in a classroom. I will cry for the dear friends and colleagues...my teaching BFFs. I will cry for lesson planning and connecting with "that one kid" and lightbulb moments for struggling learners. I will cry for read-aloud chapter books, scented chart markers, and my favorite bright pink fake leather rolling office chair that I bought on clearance for $15 a few years ago. I will cry for my teaching partner who has become like an older brother to me over the last ten years. I will cry for the comfort and the security and the partnership that will change drastically in the near future. I will cry and I will smile. I will look back fondly on the experiences and lessons and memories that have become so important to me inside the walls of my classroom. I will clean out that classroom over the next few weeks and I will move (some of) my belongings down the hallway to my new office. I can't promise that there won't be more tears. And there's nothing wrong with that. Cherish the seasons, friends. Each of our seasons is filled with important lessons and precious memories. But grieve the seasons if you have to. Tears from the farmhouse tonight...and hope for tomorrow. Much love, "Mrs. Newkirk" ❤️🏡❤️ This is a big one, folks. This post will be unlike any post I've ever written. Yesterday, a student asked me about the situation and I decided it was probably time to let the cat out of the bag. My colleagues and my family, along with some friends, already know my big news. However, I feel like posting it on the blog makes it public knowledge and that can only mean one thing... This is really happening. After thirteen years as a teacher of one kind or another, I'll be leaving the classroom.
I wanted to be the reason that a student with special needs felt successful in the general education classroom. When my former students were asked later in life who their favorite teacher was...I wanted to make that list. I wanted my kiddos to look back on their time with Mrs. Newkirk as their teacher and say, "She played a small part of who I am today." I'm hopeful that I've been able to make a difference like this in the lives of kids and families over the last thirteen years. However, the Lord has also given me a passion for people with special needs. My parents opened up a group home for adults with disabilities when I was in upper-elementary school. What started out as four adult women with various needs living with us in our home from then until my high school years has now grown to three separate group homes in our small town, where we provide housing and community habilitation services for twelve ladies. Growing up in the group home led me to pursue a double-major in college...elementary education and special education. In fact, I started my career in the special education classroom and only transitioned into the general education classroom because of a series of crazy events that I believe the Lord orchestrated to give me general education experience, to allow me to meet and work with some of my very best friends in the world, and to give me an opportunity to touch the lives of many children over the last ten years. Almost nine years ago, I graduated with my masters degree in Education Administration. My plan was to continue teaching for several years and then hopefully find an elementary principal's job to finish out my career...but not for a looooooong while. And then, a few years ago, my principal (a mentor and friend to me) said, "Have you ever thought about going into special education administration?"  Well, I hadn't really considered that and honestly didn't even want to think about going back to school. (Okay, in the interest of full disclosure...I didn't want to think about PAYING to go back to school.) However, the administrative team encouraged me to not dismiss the idea immediately, but instead to call and see what classes I would need to fulfill the requirements necessary for a job in special education administration. So in April of 2016, I called. And I needed two classes. Two. I needed one class that was offered only a 45-minute drive away, over three weekends that next summer. Three weekends that were open on our family calendar. I also needed an internship class that I could do right there in my home district with the Director of Special Services. And we could pay for them both in cash. No more student loans. That seemed easy enough. So I signed up, thinking it would be good to have options for my very distant future. I finished up the class over the summer of 2016 and finished the internship in the spring of 2017. Fast-forward to this past August...the beginning of this school year. Our superintendent calls me into his office to tell me that our current Director of Special Services is retiring at the end of the year and he would like me to be ready to present to the school board about the possibility of stepping into that position for the next school year. WHAT!?! Like NEXT YEAR!?! His idea was that I could be trained during this school year...to shadow our current director, to prepare to take that role the following August. Long story short, Mr. Farmhouse and I prayed about it. A host of family and friends prayed about it with us and for us. We had lots and lots of conversation about it. I talked for hours about the possibility to my current teaching partner. I contacted friends of mine who are special education directors for support and answers to my questions. I presented to the board. They offered me the job. And I accepted. I believe that I will be able to use my leadership skills, my passion for education, and my knowledge and experience working with my students and the adults in our group home with special needs in this new role. I believe that this is just another place that God can use me to make a difference in the lives of children and families. There are things about this transition that will not be easy.
With any transition, there will be some sorrow...some difficulty. But there will also be joy, excitement, reflection, and new ideas. I am so thankful to be able to stay in my current district. I've grown so much as an educator and met so many people who are near and dear to my heart. I'm grateful to my principal for pushing me to go back to school, our superintendent for encouraging me to move forward, our school board for giving me this opportunity, our current special education director for training me, my mentor special education director from my alma mater, my colleagues (current and former) for believing in me, the two fourth grade teachers in my building that make up the other half of our team for offering so much encouragement this year, my teaching partner for all of his support through the years...especially this year, my friends, my family...our parents, grandparents, and siblings, my dear Mr. Farmhouse and our three sweet girls. I'm grateful for my students & their parents through all of my teaching years. For the life lessons that I have learned standing in front of that classroom. For the opportunities to grow and develop into the educator I am today. I'm just so very grateful. Life will be different here in the farmhouse in just a few short months. For now though, I'm going to enjoy the time I have left this year with my darling third graders...shaping young minds. Laughing with them and cheering with them. Helping them along and making sure to let them know how much they help me along, too.
November 12th.
That was the last date that I wrote a blog post. I was going through life, keeping up with this fun Farmhouse journal and then BOOM..off-track. Off-track. Overwhelmed. Treading water. Survival-mode at home, at school, at Newkirk Photography. I had things I wanted to share. Inspiration I wanted to give. Encouragement I wanted to pass along. And instead...I just stopped. Just stopped. However, a lot has happened since November 12th. Deer season (I got two!). Our first Thanksgiving family dinners at the farmhouse (can't wait to share about that someday!). And we've almost made it halfway through the school year...WHAT!?! So anyway...I'm back. I'm feeling refreshed and looking forward to sharing some Farmhouse654 updates with you sooner than later. Happy Friday Eve, friends. ❤️🏡❤️ |
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