self-reflection.

This has been the quickest summer break I've ever had. 

I actually found a blog post from 2018 (the year I took over my current position at school), that I titled "The Shortest Summer Ever", but I am here now to concede that that statement was inaccurate. 

The summer of 2018 was NOT, in fact, the shortest summer ever.  It was most definitely the summer of 2023.

I had my last day of work on July 3rd and spent the rest of that week celebrating Independence Day, getting the girls in for orthodontist appointments, and attending an all-day softball tournament that weekend.

The following week, I chaperoned our older two girls in Lincoln, Nebrasks at CIY Move, an amazing conference for teenagers, where they grew in their faith, grew closer to each other, and enjoyed week of dynamic speakers, worship, and relationship-building.

This past week was our church's Vacation Bible School.  It was a great week, where we focused on doing what Jesus says, believing who Jesus is, sharing what Jesus did, and going where Jesus leads.  It was exhausting and wonderful and so very meaningful to lots of kids and adults.

And now...I have one week left.  

I go back to school on August 1st...in eight short days.

And surprisingly...I'm okay with that.

Over my career in public education, I have spent many "final weeks at home" dreading the school year, working to finish all the tasks on my to-do in a frenzy as the summer came to a close, and just not really enjoying very much of it.

However, I have learned a thing or two over the past few years and I want to share some of these things as we close the chapter of summer and move into fall.

1. Self-reflection is key.

We MUST be willing and able to look inside ourselves to reflect on all of the things. 

What is driving my internal need to accomplish more and more each day?
Why do I behave the way I do?
Why do I feel that way inside when I think about or see a specific person?
Why does my mind fill with concerns regarding specific parts of my life that I cannot control?

I could continue typing on this list of reflective questions for the next several weeks.  The list could go on and on and on.

Here is the kicker though: 

When we ask these questions, we have to REALLY take time to listen to our answers to make CHANGES based on those answers.

This is not natural.  This is a SKILL that must be practiced.

Here is an example of how I have been working on this skill. 

(Fair warning: this is kind of vulnerable for me...I'm just going to lay it all out there!)

I ask myself this question:
 
What is driving my internal need to accomplish more and more each day?

And then I mull over the question in my head.  I even might write something down in response to this.  I finally end up with the answer that I feel is the most closely aligned with my truth.

I feel the need to accomplish more and more each day because at some point in my life, I have bought into the idea that my own productivity is tied directly to the happiness of my family.  I have thought to myself on many occasions, "Once I accomplish ___, we will be able to live peacefully in our home."  Once the house is completely decluttered and organized...once all of the home projects we have on our list are completed...once we have a small business that has a sustainable income to allow us more time at home...once we can afford to retire...THE LIST GOES ON AND ON.

But God has been changing my heart over the last three years.

I could continue to live in this place of wanting things to be perfect before I allow myself to enjoy them completely, or I can be content where He has placed me.

I have had to reflect deep within myself and I have had to make the conscious decision to choose contentment.

We will do what we can with the time we have available, and we will build in intentional time of rest and relaxation.  We will do big projects on certain days and we will end those work days with a bonfire or a game of softball in the yard or a night at the drive-in movie.

My self-reflection has led me to focus heavily on balancing the "to do" list and the "to connect" list.  

I've also been working on how I interact with others.  Sometimes, there are things that I feel the urge to say that do not need to be said.  I listen for the still, small voice of God when these things come into my mind and I use self-control to not say them. 

And sometimes, there are hard things that NEED to be spoken, in love.  I pray for discernment in these situations -- God, is this something you would like me to engage in or are we not ready to have this conversation?  Am I in a good place to be able to deliver this message with grace and empathy?  Am I in a place to be able to listen with humility?  

It is prideful for me to believe that I have all the answers in every situation, so I am working hard to remember that I can listen & learn from others.  I don't have to have all the answers. I can gain new information, chew on it for a while, and ask God to help me see where that new information fits into His plan for me.  

After studying habits for the last few years, I have finally found a really healthy morning routine that is working well for me.  Self-reflection has allowed me to adjust and revise this routine until it clicked into place.

• Each morning, I wake up and immediately put on my workout clothes to complete a 45-minute workout.  This might be part of my Couch to 10K schedule, a 45-minute prayer walk, or some sort of strength training.  I have been sure to plan my workout the night before, so I know exactly what I'm going to do when my feet hit the floor.  During my workout, I listen to my YouVersion Bible app devotion and my audiobook.
• When I get home, I take my daily progress pictures before heading into the house and down 40 ounces of water.
• I then go to my desk to plan my day and complete my Bible study.  
• When I finish all of that, I make my bed, switch the laundry, and shower & get ready for the day.

After reading several books by Gretchen Rubin, I've learned that we need to pay attention to the natural rhythms of our bodies when we are planning our activities for the day.

I am a morning person, or a lark, as Rubin calls it.  I do my best work in the morning.  So after I shower and get ready for the day, if I'm home for the day, I almost always launch straight into my to do list.  I try to accomplish a lot before lunch time, so my afternoons can be spent writing, relaxing with the kids, or napping.

If it's a school day, I structure my work day similarly.  I try to knock out my biggest tasks early in the work day.  I build in a few short breaks for myself throughout the morning, but I try to push through and get a lot accomplished before 1:00.  Around 1:00, I try to take time for people.  I visit classrooms, make phone calls, and attend meetings.  Before I leave for the school day, I prioritize my task list for the following day and clean my office up so I'm ready to start strong the next morning.

So what does all of this mean?

We all have areas in our lives that God is calling us to make some changes.  We are too busy or not busy enough.  We are prioritizing the wrong activities.  We are so staunchly set in certain beliefs about how the world should be that we are unable to connect with people.  We are neglecting our Bible study because of other meaningless tasks and when we do study the Bible, we're not applying it to allow God to transform our lives.

We MUST self-reflect.

And in that self-reflection, when we feel that nudge from God to make changes, we have to MOVE.

Soaking up this last week of summer break and reflecting on who I am in Jesus here at the farmhouse,
Hannah

 ❤️🏡❤️